Get spicy with role play
Ah, autumn! Pumpkin spice lattes, leaves turning stunning tones of yellow, red and green, and a satisfying crisp in the air. For those who participate in Halloween, you may be buying a year’s worth of bite-sized candy and thinking about costumes for the big day. While autumn comes once a year, what if costumes or role-playing became a part of your life on a regular basis? I mean, your sex life!
Role play can add spice, fun, and novelty.
As adults, many of us have lost the art of play. Role playing is a way for us to shake off the seriousness of everyday work and have some fun, while finding sexual fulfillment. Role play can take on many forms. It can range from light (dirty talk) to heavy intensity (full on dress-up with a set and scene). For some, it can be a way to work through past trauma and personal violations. It’s a means to gain control over a past experience and retell the story in a version where you are the one in a position of power.
Role play can be a new experience you try together. Novelty is intricately linked to play, which triggers positive emotions in our brains. When we experience something new with our partner, we view them as a source of exciting exploration and a support for our self-growth. It also strengthens our relationship bond.
How do I raise this idea with my partner?
If this piques your interest, start by introducing the idea of role play to your partner. Outside of the bedroom and before any sexual touch begins, you could say something along the lines of, “I’m interested in trying role play with you, is that something that you’d be up for?” If their answer is “no”, it’s important to respect their wishes and move on. If they respond with a “maybe,” agree to continue the conversation or learn more about role play. If their response is “yes,” you can begin exploring.
Do some exploring and planning.
· Brainstorm. Talk about what kinds of scenarios each of you may want to play out and what intensity sounds good to you both. Make an agreement that all ideas are welcome and that nothing needs to be decided from this initial conversation.
· Discuss boundaries. As with any sexual activity, consent is required. Talking about what kinds of role play are off limits is important. Neither of you want to tread into territory that is uncomfortable or triggering.
· Have an escape plan. This includes agreeing on a safe word to be used when either or both of you wants to exit the experience for any reason, but especially when the play gets overwhelming or out of hand. Choose a word that will stand out and be unmistakably recognized. You can also choose a warning word to be used when you want to continue playing but would like to slow down.
· Discuss aftercare. Aftercare is what you agree will be comforting or soothing after your sexual playtime is over. It could include a check-in discussion, cuddling or showering, time alone, or hydrating and snacking.
Consider these role play ideas.
Role play with your partner can encompass just about anything that is consensual and takes safety into consideration. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Play with power dynamics:
professor and student
boss and employee
doctor and patient
landlord and tenant
Royal and servant
Other roles to explore:
Strangers
First time
Pizza delivery
Handy person and homeowner
Neighbors
Role play can enhance your sex life, your personal growth, and your bond with your partner. Think about trying out role play this month, and then consider whether you’d like to take October role play into the rest of the year!
