Valentine’s Day: take the pressure off!
Valentine’s day is upon us, and, for many singles and couples, there can be a buildup of expectation and obligation.
Those who are single can experience pressure to be in a relationship or to have a date. Although the percentage of single Americans looking for a committed romantic relationship or casual dates is down from 49% to 42% (Gelles-Watnick, 2023) many continue to feel the societal & commercial pressure to participate in V-Day.
In partnered relationships, there is pressure to get the perfect gift, write the most romantic sentiment in a card and have cupid-worthy sex. If you have been struggling in your relationship, the disconnect can be even greater as the distance between what you long for and are experiencing seems vast. Alas, there are ways to relieve the pressure:
1. Reframe the holiday as a day of love.
Love can be celebrated by everyone and expressed toward anyone you care about. That includes romantic partners, friends, family, pets, and yourself! The key is to express your love in a meaningful, authentic way. And, if you feel your enthusiasm to love transitions to obligation, stop and reset.
2. Limit your social media.
As the saying goes, “comparison is the thief of joy” (Theodore Roosevelt). Too much time on social media can lead to comparing your experiences to others. Focus on what is meaningful to you and your loved ones.
3. Have an honest conversation with your partner.
Talk about the spoken and unspoken messages that surround the holiday for each of you. What are the emotions that surface along with these messages and what do they prompt you to do? Take the time to really hear one another. Discuss ways the two of you can team up to create connection. Why do you want to celebrate love? What do you hope to gain? Can you co-create an authentic experience that honors each of your visions?
4. Take the pressure off yourself(selves) to have Valentine-worthy sex.
Experiencing expectation or obligation in your intimate life can lead to less desire to engage in sex in the future. Instead, make an agreement to give sex the day off and concentrate on other ways to be intimate. You would be in good company. According to a study by sexual wellness brand Lovehoney, sex is not a priority during the holiday for 39% of the 2000 respondents. Or, if you are both enthusiastic about being sexual, celebrate in a way that is meaningful and fulfilling. It’s okay if you are having the kind of sex you would have on a Monday night. The focus is on pleasure and play.
Side note: If you are experiencing obligation concerning any form of sexual touch, stop participating in the activity. Discuss what is or isn’t working. If you cannot manage these conversations on your own, that’s okay. They are hard topics! Find a professional to support these conversations.
References:
Gelles-Watnick, R. (2023, February 8). For Valentine’s Day, 5 facts about single Americans. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/
Here’s How Many Of Us Are Actually Having Sex This Valentine’s Day. (2023, February 14). HuffPost UK. https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/heres-how-many-of-us-are-actually-having-sex-this-valentines-day_uk_63eb75a5e4b0063ccb287700
