Be present to enjoy sex

Part of having a fulfilling sex life with yourself and your partner depends on your attitude toward the experience. Focusing on the pleasure you are giving and receiving is vital. This is easier said than done when there are so many ways to get distracted.

Being more mindful during intimate experiences can allow you to be more present to enjoy the pleasure of sex. In fact, a 2013 study shows that mindfulness-based practices improve sexual response. Here are 6 tips for being engaged in your sex life.

Change Your Approach To Sex

Many people define sex as intercourse and orgasm which can be a set-up for goal-driven intimacy. Try reminding yourself to appreciate sex for the physical and emotional pleasure it can bring. It makes it easier to be in the moment enjoying the journey no matter where you go. You might even enter an agreement with your partner to take a vacation from intercourse while you practice attunement to pleasure.

Practice mindfulness In daily life

Mindfulness is a meditation practice that focuses on being attuned to what you are sensing and feeling in any given moment without judgement. A great way to practice mindfulness is to make it a part of everyday living. Focus on deep breathing, or paying attention to the sensory experience of eating a meal, taking a walk or listening to music. Conducting body scans can heighten the awareness of subtle changes in bodily sensations within and outside of sexual encounters. When it comes to sex, being mindful of touch, taste, sound, visual aspects and smells can help you to be in the moment. Experiment with mindful sex in solo play first. It’s easier to try something new when you are only focused on yourself and your pleasure.

Imagine a bubble around you during sex

You may be more present during sex if you imagine that there is a barrier between you and the rest of the world. Imagine an orb, bubble or aura around you and your partner. What does it look like? What color is it? Try imagining yourselves within your bubble at the outset of sexual play.

Take time to get in the mood

Try taking some time to transition from a busy life into a sexual mindset. Using sensory cues, set the stage for solo play or for you and a partner. Pay attention to lighting and music. Maybe you would like to include blankets or crisp sheets. Would it feel good to get out of clothing or put on silky pajamas? Consider essential oils or other scents. Perhaps this becomes a ritual.

Listen to your body

If you are having a difficult time staying present for sex, listen to what your body maybe telling you. Perhaps it is scary to be vulnerable. Maybe you have had trauma around sexual activity and your body is trying to protect you. Or, you are not feeling connected to your person or yourself. When you are not being sexual, agree on the steps you will take if one or both of you are not present. The first step would be pausing or stopping any sexual activity. At some point, try talking to your partner about what you’ve discovered.

Talk with a therapist

You may wish to talk with a therapist if you are experiencing difficulties staying present during solo or partnered sex. It can be hard to allow ourselves pleasure for a variety of reasons. Being able to explore this aspect of your life with a professional who is objective and non-judgmental can be helpful.