Four Week Kissing Challenge

How much time do you spend kissing your significant other? What kind of kisses do you create together? Research shows that one out of five couples in committed relationships go without kissing for as long as one week at a time! And when they kiss, it will last five seconds for 40 percent of them. Many of us are missing a boat load of fun when it comes to cultivating intimacy.

The Nerdy Stuff

Interestingly, romantic kissing is one of the most preferred acts of romantic affection within Western culture. While often overlooked, lips are our body’s most exposed erogenous zone. Full of nerve endings, our lips send electric impulses between our brain, skin and tongue creating a natural high. This euphoric feeling is caused by the release of dopamine, a hormone and neurotransmitter. Mixed with oxytocin, responsible for feelings of attachment, epinephrine and serotonin, kissing creates quite a potent cocktail.

There are also physical reactions to a great smooch. A kiss can cause our blood vessels to dilate, allowing more oxygen to flow throughout the body. Our pulse may quicken, and our cheeks flush. Our pupils dilate. All of these reactions echo the experience of falling in love. Yummy stuff, right? It’s no wonder that a 2011 study found that kissing and cuddling directly related to increased sexual satisfaction among men and women.

The Experiment

We are sharing four different types of kisses. Try one type of kiss per week. Start a conversation with your partner about the experiment. Are you both willing to participate enthusiastically? If not, talk about what concerns you. Can you overcome them together? It may be important to agree that kissing is just that – making out like teenagers and not foreplay for sex. Consider making your kissing sessions last 10 minutes…maybe longer!

Week one

The Lip Kiss

This may be the most common kiss. You close your lips, move in close and plant one on your partner’s mouth. Yet, there is much to explore and savor. To start, how do you approach your partner? Try moving in slowly. Pause halfway and take in the sight of your partner. Pay attention to the wisps of hair around their face or the expression in their eyes. The smell of their skin. The feel of their breath. Come in closer to where your lips are almost touching. Can you feel the energy in the space between? Then touch lips. Notice how they press together. Linger. Then kiss again. Maybe the next time it is only taking in your partner’s bottom lip. Relax into kissing and play for a while. Make it a main event. Notice when your interest wanes. That is a good time to break off your kiss slowly. Close your mouth and linger for a moment before moving away. You can also try holding your kiss, move away and then plant one soft yet quick kiss to end.

Week two

The Sliding Kiss

Let your lips travel! A sliding kiss involves kissing on the move and over the body. Before beginning, talk about what areas of the body are in play and what areas are off limits. Try sliding all the way down your partner’s arm from shoulder to fingertip. Experiment with the pace of kisses and the pressure. Try firm kisses and light, feathery ones. What areas of the body can you explore with your lips? Try the neck, shoulders or between the shoulder blades. What about the side of your torso or the leg from toes to inner thigh?

Week three

The Triangle Kiss

The triangle kiss is a tender, romantic kiss. The idea is to go from mouth to eye and then to the other eye in a triangle pattern. This is a kiss that is initiated from one partner to the other, not shared simultaneously. Start with a few lip kisses to get the lips a-movin’ and to relax into kissing. When your partner’s eyes are closed, move from the lips to kiss their closed eyelid, then move to their other. Experiment by kissing different parts of their eyelids. Kiss gently and return to their lips often. This can be a great kiss to share at the beginning or end of the day. It can also be a nice way to end a kissing session. If your partner wears contacts, be extra gentle

Week four

The French Kiss

This kiss may be the most sensual, intimate and exciting kiss. It may require conversation about what you both like as there are many ways to french kiss. This is a kiss that is best when you work up to it. Start with the lip kiss. As it heats up between the two of you, moving into the french kiss will feel more inviting. Take an active part by keeping your mouth open and gently moving your tongue into your partner’s mouth. Explore the top of your partner’s mouth and the inside of their cheeks. Move your tongue over teeth and under their tongue. And touch tongues! For many, this is the most delicious part of the kiss. At times, relax and let your partner take the lead. Enjoy the sensation of their tongue in your mouth. Breathe through your nose. If you find this difficult, take frequent breaks by switching to one of the other kisses. Try to avoid darting your tongue in and out of your partner’s mouth quickly or pushing it too far into their mouth (unless that is what they like). Also, pay attention to the amount of wetness that is occurring. If there is too much, swallow your saliva. Too little, have some water or candy nearby (candy can be fun to play with too!). Don’t overdo it. After 5 to 10 minutes of open-mouthed kissing, you may like a break.

There is more to kissing than locking lips. It is an erotic way to connect with your partner. Take the time to incorporate making out into your daily life. Chances are it will bring you closer together and may increase intimacy.

Cane, W. (2005). The Art of Kissing, 2nd Revised Edition. St. Martin’s Griffin.

CNN, S. K. to. (2012, February 14). The science of kissing. CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2012/02/14/opinion/kirshenbaum-science-kissing/index.html

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Gulledge, A. K., Gulledge, M. H., & Stahmannn, R. F. (2003). Romantic Physical Affection Types and Relationship Satisfaction. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 31(4), 233–242. https://doi.org/10.1080/01926180390201936

Heiman, J. R., Long, J. S., Smith, S. N., Fisher, W. A., Sand, M. S., & Rosen, R. C. (2011). Sexual Satisfaction and Relationship Happiness in Midlife and Older Couples in Five Countries. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40(4), 741–753. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-010-9703-3

Tango, Y. (2011, August 9). Married Couples Kiss Less Than Once A Week, Survey Says. HuffPost. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/married-couples-kissing_n_922111