5 Ways to Make (More)Time for Sex

Let’s face it. When it comes to being sexual with your partner, time is a factor. Whether you’re parenting young children, managing two careers, or juggling your family’s social activities, lack of time can cause many couples to put intimacy on the back burner. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Some seasons of life demand our attention. In addition, there is no set frequency for being sexual. Whatever works for you and your partner is perfect. 

Many of us would like to find more time to connect with our partners sexually. It’s just hard to imagine how. This list is meant to offer a few ideas to help you make more time for sex, and to make that time more enjoyable. Here it goes:

Make sex a priority. Get off the screens. Put aside the to-do lists. Light a candle. Put on a sexy playlist. Dance together in the living room. Try some soft kissing or touching. Be together in the moment. Making your partner and your relationship a priority is a perfect prelude to being sexual. And if it ends with the dancing and the kissing, that’s great too!

Only 10 minutes? Whether first thing in the morning, last thing at night, or before picking up the kids from soccer practice, try initiating a short time of intimacy with your partner. Talk about what you could do together in 10 minutes (or 20), and establish consent. Maybe reaching orgasm isn’t possible for both of you in this short time. But, some sexy touching and caressing is. If you’re both completely exhausted, consider enjoying mutual masturbation together. Remember, sex is more than intercourse.

Shower together. Hey, you need to wash anyway, right? Why not shower together once in a while? It’s a great place to share intimate touch, whether playfully or to full orgasm. You’ll go into your day feeling that spark of love and desire for each other. 

Put sex on the menu for date night. Many couples have regular date nights. Put being sexual on the menu at least every other time. Talk together about what you might want to do. Be sure to include both your partner's desires and preferences in your plan. Talk about how you will  handle it if things don’t go according to plan. Use these guidelines from relationship & sex therapist, Martha Kauppi, for your conversation.

Create a regular or scheduled time to be sexual. My husband’s parents had a regular Sunday afternoon “nap” together. The kids were old enough to entertain themselves for an hour, and knew Mom and Dad needed their “nap.” It clearly helped my in-laws keep the spark of desire alive between them, even into the final days of their life.

Making time to be sexual doesn’t have to be a chore or a major commitment. All it takes is intention and a desire to connect with your partner. How do you and your partner make time for sex? Share your ideas with us here!

If you experience pain with sex, or sexual arousal issues, talk to your doctor. If thinking about or engaging in activities like those suggested in this article brings up past trauma or feelings of obligation, reach out to a therapist. It’s possible to work through these issues.