Make it safe to talk about sex

Talking about sex with your partner can be tough! There are good reasons for this. Most of us have not been taught to talk about sex in a constructive way.  We often receive spoken or unspoken messages that it’s not okay to talk about sex or share our sexual preferences. Without practice and permission to talk about sex, an atmosphere of confusion and guesswork takes over. There is no place for our needs and desires to be heard or understood.

There’s a huge payoff waiting for you if you risk starting this conversation. Talking about sex can create more safety and connection within your relationship. It can also make room for each of you to be loved for the beautiful, authentic humans that you are!

So, to help you start this important conversation, here is a worksheet for each of you to complete. When you finish, share it with one another.  A few guidelines in starting a conversation:

Set yourself up for success.

Strive to make the conditions conducive to talking about sex. Negotiate a time when you both have the space and energy to delve into the topic without distraction. And if it starts going sideways, agree to pause and come back to it another time.

Be curious.

Curiosity can be a superpower used to understand your partner on a deeper level and to help them feel safe talking about vulnerable topics.  When you are curious, you are a sponge soaking up information.  You don’t want to place judgement on what you are hearing. In fact, you don’t have to do anything with the information. Except thank them for sharing it with you!

Don’t yuck their yum.

Everyone is sexual in their own way.  Perhaps the two of you overlap in some of your preferences, or are about to find some common ground.  Maybe you don’t align in others.  If that’s the case, can you make room for your differences without putting down what appeals to them?

It takes time.

Be patient with one another.  It is likely that this will be one conversation of many. This worksheet is just the first step.

Congratulations! Give each other a pat on the back! You are on the path to open communication about sex!