Ready, Set…Play!
When was the last time you and your partner played together? With all the serious responsibilities of adult life, play can feel like a waste of time. Yet play is crucial for adult well-being, and has additional benefits for couples.
Play is “engaging in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.” Just about any activity can be play, as long as we consider it fun. When adults play, we increase our well-being. We also ward off depression and increase optimism, adaptability and resilience. These benefits serve us in our serious adult lives.
According to relationship experts Jeannette and Robert Lauer, couples who play together enjoy these benefits:
Emotional well-being
Couples who play together increase positive emotions. Not only do positive emotions feel good, they also help relationships last. University of Washington researcher John Gottman reports that couple relationships where there are 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction are much more likely to succeed. Truly, the couple that plays together, stays together!
Emotional well-being helps couples feel emotionally stable enough to handle life’s challenges. Having an overall sense of wellbeing provides the emotional resilience we need to handle the tough stuff. Play prepares us to tackle problems!
When we have emotional wellbeing, we feel good about ourselves. We experience ourselves as freer, more lighthearted, more uniquely ourselves. We also feel more optimistic about the future.
Reduced stress
Play allows us to escape routine. We step out of our adult responsibilities, even for just a moment, which lightens our burdens. We rediscover the freedom and spontaneity we had as children. We even increase creativity and self-understanding.
Greater intimacy
Play builds a sense of intimacy between you and your partner. When you dance, try a new game, or build an elaborate sandcastle together, you step out of your usual ways of interacting. You see new parts of each other. This brings you closer, and gives you both more freedom to be yourselves.
There are many ways to play. For more on your personal play style, including a “play personality” quiz, click here. Consider the following ideas, and add your own!
Plan an outing:
visit a local farmer’s market, new restaurant, or brewery
hike local trails or have a picnic
recreate your first date
Get creative:
make a coffee table book of your favorite photos, trips, or life events
team up to create a dream dinner or learn to make your favorite cocktails
take a class in guitar or painting together
Movement:
Go ice skating or bowling
Ski, play tennis, or work out together
Bust a move to your favorite tunes in the living room, or sign up for a swing dance class
Humor:
Go to a comedy show
Tell your favorite jokes or funny family stories
Invite your partner into silliness: impressions, funny noises, tickle fights
There are endless ways to play with your partner. For more ideas, click here. What a fun and easy way to get closer, build emotional wellbeing, and fight stress!
Hanlon, Sarah. (2023, August). 50 Fun Things for Couples to Do for Quality Time Together. The Knot. https://www.theknot.com/
Lauer, J. C., & Lauer, R. H. (2002). The play solution: How to put the fun and excitement back into your relationship. Chicago: Contemporary Books.
Newman, Kira. “What Playfulness Can Do for Your Relationship.” Greater Good Magazine, February 11, 2020, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/
What Is Play? The Biological Drive To Play. National Institute for Play website: https://www.nifplay.org/what-is-play/biological-drive-to-play/