Rocket launch a no-go?
This article discusses Erectile Dysfunction in bodies assigned male at birth. The article can pertain to those sporting a neophallus or bottom growth.
What happens when you are being sexual with your partner, and they don’t get or keep their erection? This can be a difficult moment for some couples. Erectile Dysfunction (ED) can occur as bodies age. Studies have shown that 8 to 11 percent of men under the age of 40 can experience ED. Other studies state that by the time a man reaches his forties, he has about a 40 percent chance of developing some form of ED. After age forty, the risk increases by about 10 percent each decade.
There is a stigma around this experience. As difficult as it is for the guy it’s happening to, it is also hard for their partner. Most of us don’t know how to react and our emotions can run wild. Let’s talk about what the two of you can do to make your sexual experience a good one when the penis RSVPs NO to launch.
Learn a bit about Erectile Dysfunction
When a guy can’t get it up it can be caused by physical health concerns, psychological issues or psychosexual skills. Click here for a list of common physical causes and talk with your doctor if some pertain to you. Performance anxiety is a common issue, and a few lost erections can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Depression, anger or trauma can interfere with sexual functioning. Other considerations include lack of knowledge about the body, distorted thoughts or beliefs about sex or unreasonable expectations about sexual performance.
Relationship difficulties in and outside of the bedroom can start a negative cycle between lovers. These patterns of interaction can take hold and make future sex difficult. The sexual functioning of a partner (think low or mixed desire, painful sex, trauma) can also lead to lack of erection.
For general information check out The Penis Book.
Keep it together
Anxiety and erections don’t mix. If you’re experiencing ED, try to stay relaxed. If you’re still in a cooperative headspace, talking dirty, watching porn or returning to foreplay can get the rocket boosters blasting. Sometimes, talking about the missing erection can help. Lovers can start getting in their heads about what this means. He may start thinking he’s a failure or that he is the only one this happens to. Partners may think that they are not attractive, or it is something they have done. Think about what you each need from one another in these moments. Usually when we start spinning, we need some sort of reassurance or comfort.
Love that rocket
Consider letting the good times roll by enjoying that non-erect penis. Give a penis massage. If you are a woman, use his penis for arousal by rubbing it between your breasts or against your clitoris. Oral is an option. Loving his genitals in this state can send a message that it doesn’t need to be erect to be enjoyed.
Talk about a game plan
Having some sexual flexibility and variety can be a game changer. Making sex all about the magic penis can create a lot of pressure! When you are not having sex, talk about some ways you can enjoy one another that doesn’t involve a penis. It can also be helpful to talk about the ways he can get you off. This way, he has options and can provide pleasure.
While erectile disfunction can be experienced as stressful and disappointing, it doesn’t have to be. Learning more about his experience with ED, staying calm, and working together to find ways to cope can expand your sexual experience and make the mission possible!
